Sunday, August 11, 2013

Mommy Guilt

"Everything's better in black & white."

Love my little princess!

I LOVE this shot! : )

Oh how I will miss spending all my time with her! :(
I just had to share a couple of the great shots from our family photo shoot at the beach.  Yes, I said "family."  Harper and I are our own little family; just us girls.  After our trip to the beach, it was a total of three weeks that Harper and I had spent every day together.  Minus a few hours of me sleeping and my Mom watching her while at the beach, we were together every waking moment.  So, as you can see, a small break was in order when I got home.  I love my child, but I'm pretty sure I was starting to get on her nerves. ; ) 

The Monday after the beach was a typical day for us: morning routine, nap time, lunch routine, nap time, dinner routine, bath and bed; lots of playtime in between.  This is our life, every day for the past two months.  Tuesday, things started changing.  I got an interview at Marion Middle School.  Tuesday night I couldn't stop thinking about how my life would change if I were to get this job--my days with Harper would be no more, except for on the weekends of course.  I shed a few tears, a small amount of guilt set in: the thought of leaving her at the point in her life when she has started to really get attached to me.  My heart broke a little.  however, I hadn't got the job, so not to worry yet. 

Wednesday after lunch, the phone rings...Marion Middle School was calling and inquiring about my interest as a long-term sub for 7th grade Life Science.  Of course, this is my opportunity.  To land a full-time position, I must start at the bottom and work my way up, that's how life works.  I'm quick to accept, and the whirlwind that is now my life sets in.  It's a good whirlwind, don't get me wrong. . .

I had made plans on Monday to spend Friday night hanging out with my best friend: a girl's night, a Mommy's Night Out!  It is much in order as Harper and I have spent tons of time with each other lately with no breaks at all.  I am exhausted at that point (and I still am!), thus is the life of a Mother; especially one that's single.  Either way, with the onset of the new job, I ask my Mom to watch Harper for me on Thursday night so I can prepare for my first day at work on Friday.  As I am laying in bed Thursday night thinking to myself how easy the morning will be just having to get me ready (because that never happens), I find myself watching videos of her on my phone, and looking through pictures...and I am sobbing like a baby! That's where the real guilt hit me.  The following days will really change our whole life.  Which, looking at the big picture of course, is exactly what we need to move forward and I am so happy and excited to see where life goes from here.  However, Mommy guilt is a real thing...it's a real emotion.

I feel guilty for looking forward to those small moments of fresh air and peace of mind.  I feel guilty that she may think I have abandoned her because we have spent so much time together over the past months, and this is a very critical time in her life.  I feel guilty for my Mommy's Night Out knowing every thing was going to change and that was precious time I could be spending with her.  It's all so real, this guilt I feel.  However, my best piece of Mommy advice is this: you must, first, take care of yourself.  If you do not take moments to collect yourself and gain your sanity back, it doesn't do your children any good.  So, although I am still adjusting to things, and getting into work mode, I feel as though one day she will look back and just be proud to call me her Mom and see that all I wanted to do was take care of her to the best of my abilities.  After all, that's what all us Mommas want for our babies: for them to be happy, regardless of the sacrifices we must make.

1 comment:

  1. I featured this post on my Monday Mash-Ups- http://mprintblog.blogspot.com/2013/08/monday-mash-up-from-mommy-guilt-to-bear.html. : )

    Happy first week of school! You're gonna rock this, and Harper will be better for having a momma who showed her how to work hard.

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