Blessings

Despite the one, terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day at daycare...Harper has been really blessed with wonderful sitters.  Before the day care she was seeing Sherrie and Cheryl everyday.  She was getting to play with her friends Abby and Kinley.  They played with the kitchen, made crafts, and went for strolls.  Last Friday we said goodbye to our little friends at Sherrie and Cheryl's.  They have called to check up on Harper, and we have made plans to get together so they won't miss out on Harper growing.  They said they had been thinking about her all day Monday.  Be still my heart... SUCH a blessing when people love your daughter so much that they miss her as much as you do when she's away.

Monday Harper started going to a new sitter.  Harper doesn't usually have a hard time saying bye to me in the mornings (or ever), but since she met her new friends at her new sitter's house, she hasn't had one bit of trouble saying bye to me.  Of course, she is now surrounded by boys all day.  I think she has her a little boyfriend now. ; ) She's such a stinker.  She loves her new friends, and Tanya is so wonderful.  If I can't stay at home with Harper all day, it's a blessing to know that my daughter is being well taken care of.  Harper is happy, healthy, and so well-cared for that I almost want to cry with happiness.  God has really been watching over us these past couple of months.

Enjoying puzzles at Tanya's house! : )

Puzzles with her new beau. ; )

How Tanya gets them all to lay down at the same time is magic to me.

"Don't mind me, boys!" LOL! : )

Day Care Nightmares

It's official.  I tried to warn everyone about my inability to keep up with any blogs I ever start.  Granted, I am doing way better than before.  At least I didn't wait 8 months to make a post this time.  I know it's no excuse, but I have been extremely busy getting into the groove of a 40 hour work week, and balancing housework, family, and friends in between.

With all of that being said, I have many reasons for this post.  First, I want to share this adorable picture of my baby on her first (and last) day of daycare.

Cutie pie!

When I stared working, she was staying with a sitter in the daytime.  I love these ladies that keep her.  They were clean, loved my daughter, and she never cried when I left because she felt comfortable.  However, the sitter is having a grandbaby coming soon and she wanted to be able to focus on the new baby (which I totally understand).  My Mom searched for a sitter, but it came down to it and day care was the only option...at the time.  So, as hesitant as I was about the whole idea, we went and looked at it and everything seemed fine.  I felt at ease about something being more dependable.  She would learn colors and numbers, and be able to make lots of new friends.  I inform the day care of her food restrictions and her eczema before she started, and I had to have a doctor sign a release form for all of these "limitations" (ugh!).  Monday morning was like any other morning: milk, breakfast, clothes change, hugs and kisses.  She was happy.  We walked into the day care and she clinched my neck pretty tight.  I hold her until I explain everything to the ladies, triple checking that they understand what I need them to.  Then, I sit her down and she starts to play, so I walk out the door.  Immediately, she starts to scream (loudly and painfully).  I didn't leave the outside of the door until she would calm down, and she wasn't calming down.  I walk back into the room, and console her.  (She never acts this way at the sitter--ever! Not even when she was new to the sitters!) I sit down to play with her and tell her how I have to go to work but I will be back and she will have a fun day with all of her new friends.  She warmed up and she told me "bye bye," and so I felt a little better. 

On the way to work, I boohooed.  It wasn't that I have a hard time going to work and leaving her with someone (at least not after the first few days), it was leaving her in a place that didn't feel exactly right for her.  I calmed myself down with thoughts of dependability, decent prices, lots of friends and learning.  So, I worry the entire day but find myself so engrossed in my classes that my day really did go by super fast.  I had them doing a million things, so I would keep my mind busy.  

4oclock came and it was the most exciting part of my day.  The only part of this past Monday that was relatively happy for me.  I go get her from daycare, and it was my worst day care nightmare unfolding.  All of those worries and fears I had while reading their guidelines was now living proof.  For starters, her little room smells of pee--which I think is completely gross, and they could at least bleach it, right!?  I then see that her diaper is sagging to her knees (well, it was really close to her knees).  I kindly ask the lady if they change diapers here: sarcastically and concerned.  She replied, "there are certain times of the day we change them, unless they dirty their diaper." Assuming, a poop.  Immediately, I was furious.  I explained to them that she will have eczema breakouts if they don't remove the pee diaper/poop diaper as quickly as they can.  I then asked her if they followed my instructions to put desitin on her with every diaper change and she said "No, we weren't aware." The morning teacher obviously didn't tell the evening teacher, and then she replied with, "We discourage that because of regulations...blah blah blah." Seriously? That's neglect.  I then see that Harper has a purple spot on her nose, so I do the whole lick-the-thumb Momma bear clean of the nose, and it doesn't come off.  I'm thinking "oh my gosh, it's a bruise, she's broken her nose." I inquire about the issue, and they said they don't know anything.  WHAT? You haven't been watching her. Did she fall? Did you paint? I mean, COME ON! They are really racking up at this point, and my nerves are already shot.  She was filthy, her lunch was still on her face.  All it takes is the swipe of a wipey to get the food off.  She has sensitive skin, so of course, her face was now red from irritation. AND, her head was sunburned. 

So, I leave in an uproar. . .I had even broken out in hives.  We get home, I pick out a change of clothes, and go to change her diaper.  There's still dried POOP on the top of her butt, and in her lady parts.  OH. MY. GOSH. ARE YOU JOKING!? She screams as I try to clean her, so I decide to put her in the bath.  She refused to sit down in the tub for me to try and get her clean.  I force her against her will to let me clean the poop off.  At this point, she's just in pain.  I get her out of the tub, and give her some medicine for the inflammation.  

I call my mother in a real rage.  I inform her that I will never step foot back inside that day care to leave my daughter ever again.  I will take a day off of work and I will make a schedule for the next few weeks, and then figure another option out.  I was so upset, I cried and cried for hours.  While I held her, because they only lay them down for nap at a certain time of day, and she's still at the age where she needs two solid naps.  I just hold her and tell her I'll make it ok.  Basically, I felt as though I had failed her as a mother.  I felt awful.  My heart was broken, and I had let her down.  I think she was happy playing, but I just thought it was dirty. 

My Mom calls me back a little later and confirms my choice to not return to the day care.  I just refused. "Lets just see how another day goes." NO.  My mind was made up, I would not be a good mother if I sent her back.  So, my Mom calls me again and confirms of a lady who is wonderful, and will start to keep her the third week in September.  Mom had already called the recent sitter and asked if Harper could return until the other sitter can start watching her.  It was a miracle, God was watching over my baby.  

I dropped her off the next morning with Sherrie, and she hugs her neck tight.  She says, "hidy!" The light was in her eyes, she was warmhearted, and felt loved.  I cried a little, thanking Sherrie for loving my daughter and helping me out.  She said she missed her anyway. : ) My daughter wasn't just another number to them.  It was such a relief.  When I told her I had to go to work, she said, "Bye bye love you"! 

I boohooed all the way to work, tears of joy... I had made the right decision for my daughter.  I thanked God for peace in the situation, and clarity.  I will never trust that day care ever again.  And before I ever make a fast and rash decision to put her in a different day care ever again, I will ask for a trial day.  

She's happier, I'm happier, her sitters are happy to enjoy my sweet baby every day!

Lesson learned...

Mommy Guilt

"Everything's better in black & white."

Love my little princess!

I LOVE this shot! : )

Oh how I will miss spending all my time with her! :(

I just had to share a couple of the great shots from our family photo shoot at the beach.  Yes, I said "family."  Harper and I are our own little family; just us girls.  After our trip to the beach, it was a total of three weeks that Harper and I had spent every day together.  Minus a few hours of me sleeping and my Mom watching her while at the beach, we were together every waking moment.  So, as you can see, a small break was in order when I got home.  I love my child, but I'm pretty sure I was starting to get on her nerves. ; ) 

The Monday after the beach was a typical day for us: morning routine, nap time, lunch routine, nap time, dinner routine, bath and bed; lots of playtime in between.  This is our life, every day for the past two months.  Tuesday, things started changing.  I got an interview at Marion Middle School.  Tuesday night I couldn't stop thinking about how my life would change if I were to get this job--my days with Harper would be no more, except for on the weekends of course.  I shed a few tears, a small amount of guilt set in: the thought of leaving her at the point in her life when she has started to really get attached to me.  My heart broke a little.  however, I hadn't got the job, so not to worry yet. 

Wednesday after lunch, the phone rings...Marion Middle School was calling and inquiring about my interest as a long-term sub for 7th grade Life Science.  Of course, this is my opportunity.  To land a full-time position, I must start at the bottom and work my way up, that's how life works.  I'm quick to accept, and the whirlwind that is now my life sets in.  It's a good whirlwind, don't get me wrong. . .

I had made plans on Monday to spend Friday night hanging out with my best friend: a girl's night, a Mommy's Night Out!  It is much in order as Harper and I have spent tons of time with each other lately with no breaks at all.  I am exhausted at that point (and I still am!), thus is the life of a Mother; especially one that's single.  Either way, with the onset of the new job, I ask my Mom to watch Harper for me on Thursday night so I can prepare for my first day at work on Friday.  As I am laying in bed Thursday night thinking to myself how easy the morning will be just having to get me ready (because that never happens), I find myself watching videos of her on my phone, and looking through pictures...and I am sobbing like a baby! That's where the real guilt hit me.  The following days will really change our whole life.  Which, looking at the big picture of course, is exactly what we need to move forward and I am so happy and excited to see where life goes from here.  However, Mommy guilt is a real thing...it's a real emotion.

I feel guilty for looking forward to those small moments of fresh air and peace of mind.  I feel guilty that she may think I have abandoned her because we have spent so much time together over the past months, and this is a very critical time in her life.  I feel guilty for my Mommy's Night Out knowing every thing was going to change and that was precious time I could be spending with her.  It's all so real, this guilt I feel.  However, my best piece of Mommy advice is this: you must, first, take care of yourself.  If you do not take moments to collect yourself and gain your sanity back, it doesn't do your children any good.  So, although I am still adjusting to things, and getting into work mode, I feel as though one day she will look back and just be proud to call me her Mom and see that all I wanted to do was take care of her to the best of my abilities.  After all, that's what all us Mommas want for our babies: for them to be happy, regardless of the sacrifices we must make.

Vacation Station

Harper must have been really exhausted from the long road trip, because she slept almost all day the 2nd day (she's much more lively this morning).  After being in the pool around 30 minutes, she was done with swimming and went down for a three hour nap (it may have been longer, but it was at least 3 hours).  The family went out for crab legs last night; a must have when you are at the beach, of course.  I haven't tried shellfish with Harper yet, so I didn't want to risk it on vacation, but she did highly enjoy her grilled cheese and sweet potato fries. ; )

Auntie Ta and Duncle Tony! : ) 

Mornings are very cuddly around here.

Cousins Ethan and Kendrick chillin' waitin' on breakfast. 

Banana face! ; ) Pretty blue eyes.

New flower float! It even squeaks! 

Boat floatin' in her fishy!

Don't be fooled, he got in the boat float by himself, no one put him in there! haha. Silly Kendrick!

She must have been really excited about the spoon...

Some of our favorite Smith's. : )

Too cuteeeee. 

Getting two toddlers to smile at the same time -- NEVER GONNA HAPPEN!

My sweet pea! Man, she's cute! : ) 

Beach Lovin'

After a 12+ hour drive, the family finally landed in Mexico Beach, Florida.  The girls, Lilli and Harper, rode in the car with my Mom and me.  To be such a long drive to ride, with limited entertainment, the girls were so well-behaved.  Mostly they just slept, as we left at night, for the purpose of the girls sleeping.  When they did wake up, we enjoyed ourselves.  The trip consisted of lots of sweet little baby girl giggles; they each think the other one is so funny, and they get really silly, and start belly laughing--they love each other so much.

When we got settled into our beautiful beach house (well, before we really got settled because they couldn't contain themselves), we were off to the pool and the beach.  Harper has never seen the beach, for felt sand between her little toes.  I was a little nervous at first.  As much as she loves the pool, I didn't know how she would like all the sand and salt water.  SHE LOVED IT! : )  In fact, if I wasn't holding her hand, she was darting for the water, and was sad when we had to head back to the beach house.  She is her mother's child.

Brother with his pool banana!

Sister being a pool bum!

Kisses for Auntie! : )

Chase and Lilli boat floatin'. . .

The girls on their wagon ride to the beach! The treatment...

Her accuracy ; )

That's not pee on my cover-up...I promise ; )

"Look at my tuh-dull" (turtle!)...

Beach baby! : )

Aunt Edy, beach bummin'. . .

Sweet baby beach curls : ) LOVE THEM!

Brother skimmin'. . .

What a good Uncy! : )

Momma's happy girl! 

Well, it's official, I always wondered where she got that face from...I guess it's me. LOL.

Handsome brudda! : )

The best for last...THIS IS MY FAVORITE shot of the day! : )

It's back to the water today!  So much family, fun, sun, and sand...EVERYWHERE!  No complaints at our beach house!

Sweet Granny Jo!

In memory of my great-grandmother, Josephine Doss (or as we called her Granny Jo, or Grandma Doss), I would like to share a story.  That way, many years from now I can recall the story and share the story with Harper.

Harper and Granny Jo!

Look at that joy in Grandma's eyes! : )

The story started at Harper's first birthday (which Granny was not able to attend).  Every mother has experienced a birthday party, it is chaos.  You're trying to make sure you talk to everyone, make sure everyone has food/drinks, and the best part (especially with a toddler) are presents!  As we are sifting through all of the presents, we get to a bag--at this point, I'm not sure whose presents are whose--inside the bag was a coloring book.  Sure, all toddlers love coloring books and so I think it's great.  I open it up to do a quick browse of the pictures and I realize that all of the pages are colored.  Of course I'm thinking, "this is misplaced, someone put this in here by accident."  So I check the bag, and it's from my Dad (Harper's Poppy!).  I quietly ask him..."Did you mean to put this in here?" as I didn't want to embarrass him in front of everyone, because people are human and they make mistakes.  He was not shy in telling me, and the whole room, that this coloring book was colored by my sweet Grandma Jo.  All of Granny's grandchildren are special to her, but Dad has always told me so many stories about helping in her barn, and helping in the garden.  He really, really loves his Grandma Jo!  This particular present meant so, so much to him.

You know after a party, everyone leaves and you're sorting through the toys you're going to put on the shelf and save for later because who can really play with all those toys at one time.  (What mother wants to pick up all those toys at one time?! Haha.)  We get to the coloring book again, except this time it had fallen on the floor and it was opened to a particular page.  I got that weird feeling I get when I feel like God is trying to tell me something.  So, I snap a picture of the page for safe keeping.  I then decided to store the coloring book in the box that I have started for all of Harper's meaningful things--her first outfit, sonograms, cards, etc. 

Grandma Doss passed away yesterday.  She was 102, and beautiful as ever.  Truth be told, I didn't see her as much as I should have.  I think we all are guilty of that to some degree.  After her passing, I decided to open the box and share the colored pictures with Harper.  The pictures do it no justice, because she used glittered crayons!  She was very good at coloring.  When I opened the box, for whatever reason, the coloring book was opened to the exact same picture as before.  It gave me a peaceful feeling.  I may not have been the closest to her, but she did mean a lot to my Dad and maybe she's trying to tell me something...I just haven't figured it out yet.

Now I'll share the picture with you.

I can't explain it...but, that has to be God talking.

I experienced chills back in May, and I experienced chills yesterday.  I hope one day Harper understands the significance of this coloring book.  I feel grateful that Dad wanted to share this with Harper; he was eager for me to open is bag, and I guess this is why.  I haven't shared this story with him, but I'm sharing it now...

God is good!

Admitting Defeat

There are moments, as a parent, where we have these really great ideas.  "I'm going to put this cute bow in her hair," "Aww, I'll put this cute outfit on her," or my latest, "I think I will paint her toenails for the beach."

Harper doesn't mind pig tails, she doesn't mind a twist or a braid (when I can keep her still for a braid).  She really is girly in that she doesn't mind a cute do.  Every time I try a super cute bow, she pretends she likes it for a little while, and then right before we get where we are going, she pulls it out and her hair is a mess.

I don't always dress Harper up when we go out, and I sometimes even leave her in her pajamas.  In those moments that I just want her to look cute, she pees through her diaper.  It never fails!  Her cute outfits last, tops, 30 minutes...maybe. Well, sometimes it lasts but most of the time it doesn't.

Last night I got the bright idea to try and paint her toenails.  (What girl doesn't like a good pedicure before the beach?) Though there have been failed attempts in the past, I felt like this time would be different because I came prepared with methods of distraction and I even practiced my speed painting beforehand.  I pictured cute little hot pink piggies.  Instead, I got hot pink feet, arms, hair, and basically, everything that wasn't her toenails.

There are moments in time where I get upset when she takes her bow out, or pees through her clothes.  I don't really know why...I guess just that expectation that she understands she looks stinking adorable.  However, I guess the one thing all parents learn is that there are sometimes you really just have to admit defeat.

Last night I was defeated by my toddler and hot pink nail polish.  Luckily for me, it came out in the bath.  I didn't get a picture, sadly.  I was too busy trying to not end up with pink nail polish on my couch, carpet and anything else she thought it would be funny to try and spread the pink nail polish to.

14 month old girls just aren't concerned with having a cute pedi. ; ) Mommy just has to accept it... The good news is, we laughed and laughed.  I'm pretty sure she was laughing because she's really ticklish, and then she laughed because she managed to get away and thought it was funny when I tried to chase her.  Although I'm sad I couldn't even get ONE toe painted--we had such a good time!